14 November 2011 - email

So, Recife feels...like home. It`s weird to say that, but it`s how I feel. I no longer think it's weird the way that things happen here (usually). I guess that`s why I haven't written much in that respect for a while. The bus system, the random street vendors, the suddenly drenching rain, even the sun isn't that weird anymore.

I am used to seeing a lot of poverty. I mean a lot. There are families that we meet that all live in one room (5 of them or more) whose roof has holes and they are reforming their house while living in it. It's a humbling sight. It makes me think of the stupid things I complained about as a kid. I have seen how blessed I have been. I have never had church leaders that caused me to stumble. I have never been beaten by my parents because I was held back a year in school. I've never had to choose between education and simple survival. What`s strange is that these conditions don't really affect who the people are, just the degree of extremity. I've seen people much more loving than people at home. I've also seen cruelty that knows no limits. It's strange, because seeing this has changed me; I used to be the first to talk and I spoke so loud that everyone had to listen to me. The most-heard comments are now: "You speak really quietly. Why?" and "Why doesn't this one speak?" I don't know what it is, but I feel a peace that doesn't entirely come from me. I am a little scared because the end is approaching; I really don't want it to. I can imagine how Elder Groberg felt when he got the letter telling him that his extension was denied. You can't feel either excited or sad; it just is.

I guess what I want to say is I don't really know how to say how it's similar to home and how it's different. In my dreams there exists a mixture. Everything that is good in the two, put together. I never dream of home anymore. I also never dream of Recife. I dream of both. Man, this letter is coming out weird, but I hope that the message is getting out.

I feel a little chastised this week. I studied the Pearl of Great Price and started the Doctrine and Covenants. There are so many promises of greater scripture and greater knowledge that we have lost (as a people) by not utilizing our scriptures now. I love the scriptures. I love the Savior. I love the plan of salvation. I love the mission and if there was a way to never end, I'd do it (aside from the missing the family part). I'm am slowly losing my fear of being called to serve the Lord. It's hard, but it is so much more rewarding than anything else.

I love you all,

Elder Page